Monday, February 28, 2011

the beginning of the end...

I just felt restless..lifeless.I am breathing but I cant feel any.I cant even recall how many times I felt like this.
& it made me thought of "what if" ....What if today is the beginning of the end?what if there will be no more tomorrow for felicity?will she still be able to find her happiness? At first I might take a glimpse thinking it was not fair to just have my life ended so fast, never got the chance to meet my real prince charming whose been looking for me out there, no more chances for me to walk down the aisle saying "i do" with the one I always dream of, conceiving a gift from heaven for 9mos & having a fulfilling feeling that I could ever felt in my my whole life. Watching them grow,hug them,kiss them,love them unconditionally.There will be no more dreams & happy thoughts if my life has to end tonight!

If today is the beginning of the end.I guess I'm ready now, especially today.Single and alone.My father has his wife my brother already has a work & special someone to be with.They've grown up.They are old matured independent enough to handle for themselves.I guess I have finished the mission that my mom has left me when I was still sweet 16.I guess I've experienced enough in this world of beauty & life.I was able to finished my for almost 9years?gain lots of friends & different kind of people.Experienced different kind of love, been into different kind of relationships, experienced & learned a lot from eat. I used to smile,laugh, frown,sigh,cried and cried alot because of love.lose my pride,ego,dignity just to find love but able to have it back too.28 years?don't you think its enough?dont you think its about time or It's just the perfect time for me to leave this world?Im just on my own  now.Ive sacrifice a lot though maybe not as same as the others but Its enough.And I think I am ready now to Die and to live again in the arms of our Almighty with my mom welcoming me to heaven with an open arms making me feel how much she misses me & how much I miss her too.I just can't wait for the day for the moment that I will be able to say"Nay I misses you so much and no words can explain how glad I am to finally meet you again & never ever to lose you this time." I have loved them for 28years.I know i was able to let him know, to let them know how much I loved them, i already made them feel & say the words "I love you" that I have never did to you when you were still here, so I really guess that its about time to express it with you now.

Lord God Please talk to me now.I felt sad and helpless.I just don't know now where to go & what to do.I know that everything that i wanted here on earth are all just a fantasy that I created in my was just a seaonal happiness but not for long.But if y purpose has already been served I strongly believed that the happiness that I will going to find in You is eternity, everlasting and never ending happiness.Lord I Love You.I know how much You love me too.Please Blessed me with happiness that you think I deserved.Please dont ever leave me especially at my weakest saddest moment. Take good care of my loved ones..they are my real treasure & goft from you.

And if this will be the beginning of the end.I want all of youto be very happy for me for I will be very happy too.Never wear dark colors only white & yellow but I'd love to if it would be white & pink.If that day comes please be happy for me for I so long waited for me to find peace beside HIM.

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